Ways to Increase Self Love
When I was in middle school I made a scrap book out of a college ruled notebook and titled it "“Happiness Collective”.
It was a collection I made to remind myself of the beautiful person I am, and the things that light up my soul. In the book I wrote down compliments people have given me, saved tickets from events that left me buzzing with joy, and drawn little pictures of things that bring me comfort—like toast with peanut butter and coconut oil, or the feeling of running through a pile of leaves in autumn. I also taped in comic strips that made me laugh, cut out photos from magazines that sparked my imagination, and wrote about my accomplishments—both big and small. Every piece in that book is a little spark of joy, a reminder of who I am and what I love.
Looking back, I am amazed at that 13 year old self, she was struggling to find joy in her life, to find ways to love herself, and knew that since she wasn’t getting that externally she would have to search and cultivate it herself.
But here’s something important to remember; while our thoughts matter, they aren’t everything. It’s crucial to work on shifting negative self-talk, like “I’m not enough,” “I’m not lovable,” or “I’m not a hard worker.” These kinds of thoughts about who we are, they need tenderness. When they come up, I try to steer them gently toward something kinder or more neutral.
But there’s another kind of thought that deserves our attention; the ones that speak to what we’re doing. Like, “I hate this job,” or “This person makes me feel stupid,” or “I’m so frustrated with what just happened.” These are signals. They tell us something important about our experiences, our boundaries, and what’s calling for change. When thoughts like this come up, it’s not about shifting them—it’s about listening. What’s really going on? What can I control? And what might I need to accept?
In short, when it comes to thoughts about who you are, try to shift those gently toward compassion. When it’s thoughts about what you’re doing, listen closely, because there might be something there that needs your attention.
